Part of having a heart full of feelings is risking the pain caused by something damaging or severing these attachments.
It does not mean that having close ties is not worth it. It’s a sign that you’re doing something right by being a person open and emotionally available to feel closeness, love, and to see positive things in another human being.
An important part in any healing process is admitting that there is something that needs healing. Allow yourself to feel everything and process through bad feelings by working through the steps below.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
When somebody breaks up with you, you’re going to feel a flood of emotions. It’s a trauma. It’s a shock to your system. And as with any type of emotional shock, you want to be really gentle with yourself and you want to allow yourself to feel your feelings. After all, your feelings are there for a reason—they can help you move through difficult experiences, but only if you release them.
But don’t become your feelings.
Though it’s important to express your feelings, it’s also important to stop short of becoming them. So if you feel sad, let yourself wallow for a certain amount of time—say, an hour. Cry, scream, yell, journal, do whatever you need to do to let your emotions flow freely. But when those 60 minutes are up, stop and move on to something else.
Cut off communication with your ex.
There’s a scientific reason heartbreak hurts so much: You actually go through withdrawal – like symptoms after a breakup because the feel-good hormones you got from your partner are suddenly gone, says Elle Huerta, founder of Mend, an app and online community designed to help people post-breakup. “When your partner is no longer there, you start to crave those feel-good hormones,” she explains. “If you give in to this feeling and see your ex again, you’ll struggle to move forward and find yourself stuck months and maybe even years later.”
It allows you to break your attachment to your former partner. Just be cautious that those “innocent check-ins” don’t become a habit. “Every time you talk to them, you open up another energy tie between you, and your goal is to break those energetic ties, not to keep creating them.’’
Find a support system.
Call two or three people you really care about and let them know what you’re going through, says Hendrix psychotherapist in New York City.”A lot of people love you and they want to support you, but often they don’t know how because you’re not telling them.”
Opening up to others may bring catharsis in return. “Most everyone has been on the receiving end of a breakup at one time or another, and commiserating with them, sharing experiences, getting counsel, being reminded you’re not alone, can be highly beneficial,” says Franklin A. Porter, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City.
Don’t internalize the breakup.
In the aftermath of a difficult split, avoid thinking, I’m not good enough—there’s something wrong with me. Instead, situate the problem in the relationship (if not in your partner).